104- I dislike that number!

With my face against her cheek, I knew that she had a fever. The body’s natural way of fighting off whatever boogers lurk within our bodies. But this feeling of instantly knowing, “yep, here it is again” is getting old. I feel as though all my positive Mommy feelings are beginning to be on empty. The pain that she is going through and not knowing what to do is driving me insane. Yesterday as I watched my daughter scream and big ol’ tears drop down her innocent face while the nurses inserted a catheter, my insides were churning. Every muscle in my body wanted to grab her off of the x-ray table and hold her. But in my mind, I knew that it was something she needed to go through. I held her afterwards like I had never held her before. Thankful that she is my daughter. I held her tight to my chest like she was a newborn, all the way out to the car. I am drained. I am exhausted. She is exhausted. We both slept like babies when we arrived home from the adventure. I thought, whew, it’s over. They didn’t see anything. A sigh of relief. Until, I checked her temperature last night. And the body’s defense was on guard at 102. Squirted some Motrin and she slept like a rock. I laid in bed this morning praying that she would be completely better. I began to hear her whimper. I walked in her room. There she was laying down, as she did once before with the high temperature a month ago. Still yet whimpering. I checked the temp- 104. What emotion do I feel now? I am drained. So, like a robot, I called the doctor, made an appointment, started a luke-warm bath, gave her motrin, held her close, and put her back down for a nap. Here we go again…

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