It's 5:15 a.m.' I've been up, I think, since 2 trying to comfort my spit uppy child. Now, I've given up on sleeping for the night and I am waiting for the coffee to brew. Ryker is in my view straight ahead sitting all snuggled up in his pimp daddy swing- awake and making grunting noises. This morning I want to cry. I want to just fall on my knees in surrender and say, “I can't do it.” I look back at today and see all those moments where I failed, where I said things to Copeland that I now regret and can't believe I would even go there with my precious daughter. There is such ugliness in this heart of mine. The sleepless nights, the needy (but amazing and adorable) baby, a two year old, and trying to be a good wife are all weighing in on me. I am discouraged. I apologize for such a negative blog. I know that “this, too, shall pass.” But at the moment, I am empty. Needing my cup to be filled. Needing help. Maybe I just need some sleep.