When I was sixteen, I am sure I rarely thought about germs. I mean, I wasn't dirty but I rarely ever thought, “Oh, I just sat at a desk that could have been hacked on by some sickie.” Now, as a mom, starting with child numero uno, I am paranoid. It is a little unhealthy, I think. I am not OCD. But I am turbo about sanitizer and trying to remember to wash everyone's hands.
It all started when our little Copey was sixteen months old, and she got RSV. RSV is a serious cold and not a good thing for a toddler/baby to have as it swells up the airways making it hard for them to breathe. I took her into the doc because she had had a fever for so long. And I remembered thinking as I was getting her dressed, “Hmm…wonder why her feet are blue?” I was calm and really didn't think anything of it. Well, I should of. As she limp on the doctor's table, the nurse quickly took her pulseox and it was low. I felt so dumb! But I didn't know any of this kind of cold. Immediately, she was prescribed oxygen and antibiotics. What a scary thing. But we survived. Then last year after the normal rounds of stomach bugs and various colds and then the never ending fever, I took Copeland in for a check to see if she had RSV again…nope, just pneumonia. WHAT! Two times I have been blindsided by some illness in my kids. BUT, MANY times I have rushed them to the ER in fear of RSV, pneumonia, or dehydration, or whatever else kind of illness. And have been wrong. I know my mommy instinct is there, and it works well. But then, sometimes I can't distinguish between the mommy instinct and just plain fear. I have prayed about this fear, and I always come to the conclusion of, “Just trust me.” If they got sick, it will be okay. If the worst thing happens, it will be okay. (Not that I wouldn't pray my heart out otherwise). It is so hard not to let go though of that false sense of control. I think, well, if I just stayed home in our little bubble we would never get sick. But that is not true. There are so many things that enter into our own home through shoes, groceries, mail, etc. Ew! Gross to think about. However, this is all a cycle of fear that I can get stuck in. I am relieved that there is freedom available to me. I just have to get there. Over and over.