Over the past few weeks, well, more like the past year or more, Josh and I have been saying, “We will give up the paci for Copeland after…” After watching my best friend give birth to a beautiful baby girl, I am inspired. Weird connection, I know. The connection is…I am inspired that we are called to be mothers of our children. Not just babysitters. As we give birth to a child, there is so much emotionally energy that comes out on top of the physical. That emotion doesn't tell you at the time the passion you will feel for that child or the love or the lack of interest in playing at a given moment or the lack luster of reading yet another story at night. I think God teaches us gradually how to be good moms in our own way. For me, I have felt convicted about the paci's. They are MY clutch. MY comfort. Anytime things are really bad with Copeland, I think…oh, I will just go get the paci and she will be comforted. But here I am thinking about my role as a mom of an almost two year old and thinking, how do I show her how much I love her. Those emotions that are deep within a woman who has birthed or adopted a child. As her mother, I want to show her that sometimes when we are sad, we really have to search within our own hearts and push through. And there are other times when life is hard- aka bumps and bruises, temper tantrums, sleepiness when we need a hug from mommy or daddy and a little prayer to know that you are not alone. I know that it is just a paci. But to me, it has symbolized a stronghold in my heart of letting go of selfishness as a mom. I have been selfish in my time- I am not saying that out of guilt but out of honesty.
So, this morning, I sat next to Copeland and talked with her about giving her “Pappy's” to our new friend and baby, Ava. She was really excited about giving them to her. So, we made a special Pappy Box and colored and stickered it all up and put all 6 Pappy's inside. We drove over to Baby Ava's house, also her best friend JayJay's house, too. We walked in and gave it to her right away. She was so proud to do it. And Ava liked it, too. 🙂
Now, as I sit here and type this out, Copeland had a good 45 minute realization of what she has done in giving her Pappys away. But now, there is silence coming from her room- asleep without the aide of Pappys. Pray for her through this transition and more for me. Thanks.