I don’t know if you all remember my moment of breakdown when I was pregnant, but I sure do. Clear as day. Well, here is the Breakdown Part 2. This winter has been a doozey to say the least. With bouts of RSV (twice), other cold sicknesses, a Hunker Down two week hiatus on life outside the house, another sickness of the stomach bug, Crying It Out week, a glimmer of hope of sleeping through the night, then this…Emerson getting some sort of weird screaming/fussing/not sleeping spell that involved a trip to the ER because of blood streaks in his spit up. And now, Sawyer’s turn. Screaming in the midst of Ryker’s room trying to sleep. It is now 9 p.m., and they both are fighting sleeping. Oh Lordy. I give up. I feel like I have given up. And I know who is my strength. But this is hard. I mean, damn it. Can’t we just get better from here? I know I should be thankful for all the blessings. Our kids are all, in the grand scheme of things, healthy and living and among us….but wow. I am so sick of this. Just as we think we get the knack of schedules, sleeping, or Emerson not spitting up. Then BAM, no sleep, Emerson spits up everything or blood, or someone gets sick again. Really. I just want normalcy again. We were warned that the first year of twins is always the hardest. But I don’t think anyone could have prepared us for this. In all honesty, this makes me want to just not do anything but focus all my time on my kids, their schedule, their eating…how do I have time for anything else? I am frustrated, angry, tired, exhausted…and if anyone says to me tomorrow, “Yea, I am tired,” so help me not to punch them.

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3 Comments

  1. I'll pray for you! Can I do anything else to help? Seriously, I would be happy to do anything I can, we can just go out for coffee, I can baby-sit, or cook. Basically I think you are doing an amazing job, and you were chosen for you life, because YOU are the one that can handle it, even when it is hard. Find the little victories, and lets rejoice in those. Praying for some guidence and peace.

  2. I have been feeling lately like I just can't do anything except kids…even that I feel like I am falling so far behind…but I think there are times in our lives when everything has to be put on hold so that we can just focus on that one thing. And it's hard not to think we should be able to do it all. But, really we can't. If we try…something always falls apart and doesn't get the attention it should. I am sorry it is so hard! I know you are doing an awesome job and no one else could do it but you! You are definitely in the trenches right now but one day they will all be grown up and it will be only a memory. (remind me of this too) Praying for you…wish we could help more. Sleep deprivation is the absolute worst.:(I don't know if I even made sense here…sleep deprivation due to my stuffed up, congested, spit uppy, gassy 3 week old….love you!


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