When Facebook asks us in its very caring way…”What's on your mind?” I usually have three or four options…
1. answer honestly in a matter of fact way.
2. answer in my most christian tone and positive way.
3. answer in a debbie downer way.
4. answer in a vague way.
As you can see there are plenty of options to let the world in on one of your many thoughts throughout the day. The last few months have been so intense that the status liners have been all I could muster up in writing. So for today this is what I wrote:
Can I just press pause on parenting and figure this out and get my (&:@ together…then I think I would rock this mom thing….
I know, I know. What's a Christian gal cursing in different symbols doing? Well, somedays…some moments…it's this thought that rolls through my head. This past spring, my past pretty much decided to rear it's ugly head from it's hidden agenda and smack it's lovely self right into my viewpoint. Ever since, I have been on a journey of realization…There is so much in that one sentence that it is impossible to go into everything, nor do I want the whole world to know. But I did want to share this…I think God knows when we are able to handle the ugliness of our past. I think He knows that we need the stillness to feel. We need the quiet to hear our own soul. And so this season as all my kids are at school from preschool on up to 2nd grade. That allows for– time for me. Which is A LOT harder than you think. I am in a habit of go-go-go and do-do-do and multi-task and run errands here and there. (As many people are)…So, to stop and to breathe and to listen to what my mind is saying and to rest…is new. It has been almost four weeks since school started for the tiddlywinks, and I have had three whole mornings in those four weeks where I have intentionally set aside to be still. Though my journey has just begun in this self-discovery and God-healing, I am excited for it to continue. My Papa in heaven keeps whispering in my heart, “This is your season of restoration.” REST-oration. First part being REST. Whether that means sleeping, sitting still, or even resting my mind from so many years of condemnation…it is REST. Surrendering to the process.
In perfect timing, this summer at one of my favorite retreats, Toth Ministries, I picked up a book called “Invitation to Solitude and Silence,” by Ruth Haley Barton. I have never underlined and post-it'd a book as much as this one. Wow. One of the many things I underlined was this beautiful quote:
When we stop the music of our life to enter into solitude, we sit down right where we are at that moment , and that's where we meet God. We meet God in our present delight or our present sadness. We meet God in the tears of our life and the laughter of our life. We meet God in our most unnerving questions and in the answers we are celebrating. no matter where we are on any given day, when the music stops and everything gets quiet, we sit down right where we are and allow ourselves to be there with him. HOW DESPERATELY OUR SOULS NEED REGULAR MOMENTS LIKE THAT, MOMENTS WHEN WE REST IN GOD AND ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE WITH GOD WITH WHAT IS MOST TRUE ABOUT US.
I am learning a lot about what is most true about me…and learning a lot has been lies and learning how to decipher what is THE TRUTH versus what is seems to be true. So onto this season of restoration and I hope you join along with me, too. Rest. This world needs rest. And that means you.