Losing the Guardrails

I’m walking along the road which has been “my road” for quite some time, and I notice the guardrails are no longer there.

The path narrows to just a crease in the ground. It no longer looks like what I had imagined. It went from a well paved road to a dried up river bed of a path.  

I’m shakey and calculated. 

I don’t know whether to shut my eyes and pretend I am somewhere else or to open them wider to see the bigger landscape. 

I feel unsafe. But it’s where you want me. It’s where you have me take flight.

The ground beneath feels unsteady. I don’t know where to take another step.  

My body tenses up in fear. But it is here where I will breathe into my lungs whispering, I am safe.  

As I let go of measured steps, I find a new way. 

I begin to lift above. No longer seeing the road I was on.  

I’m in the air soaring above my whole former country.  I let go of the fear and bravely extend my hands to feel the air move around my body. I haven’t let go like this in a long while. Such freedom.  But like a familiar chain, I remember and I suddenly start falling and falling. I long for what I have known. I don’t want to let go. I want the already established road. In the moment, You remind me, this is the better higher way.  My body rises with the idea of adventure.  

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