Parenting Mirrors aka Children

I have a child who has his own story to one day share.  It is not mine to share, nor do we know the scope of his story yet.  But I do have my own story to share- as a mom. I had four children in four years before the age of 30. There were health issues for the twins for the first couple years, a toddler who refused to sleep, my own mystery autoimmune health issues cropping up, and financial stress.  To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I look back on those young mama years with such compassion. I was so very exhausted and had this sweet child who decided it was time to sharpen my own soul’s wounds. Every temper tantrum felt like a direct assault on my very own capabilities.  I had read most EVERY known parenting book out there. I should know how to handle all my children. Every sleepless night brought more and more emotions out of control to the surface. I felt like I could explode in anxiety at a moment's notice. It wasn’t this one little human who brought the anxiety on, but it was deep wounds within my own heart which began to surface.  

As Karen Doyle Buckwalter shared our REBEL Parenting show, “If you don’t work on your issues, your kids will work them for you.” There are many times as a parent where I have left the highly heated situation and fell to the floor crying in desperation- when all along, it is there where Jesus comes and just groans with us and the Holy Spirit moves within us offering healing balm on our own pain.  Parenting my four munchkins has brought me to my knees thousands of times and has allowed for me to grow in the ways which were no longer serving me. I began to seek counseling because I knew my anxiety and fear and anger were my own triggers in my history. I also began intense functional transformational coaching with a lovely woman who walked through my day to day to bring awareness to “old patterns.”  We continue to do counseling to help us to understand how to validate the feelings of our children, ourselves, and others around us- because this is where the real wholehearted change happens. Parenting life still unfolds each day and teaches me hard things but I know there is progress. I am more self aware when I need a break to breathe and when I need to provide space for my kids to express their feelings and not pick them up as my own.  As my mentor says, “Children are just a mirror reminding us of our story.” I know this is so true firsthand.  

When you are triggered by your child’s behavior, I would ask what is the underlying trigger within you? What’s your own story you are telling yourself?   It’s so much more than the behavior of the child. Invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate the places in your heart where you need your own healing and find a coach/counselor who can help navigate and work through what is needed.  Again, the lovely Karen Doyle Buckwalter, explains beautifully on the show, “You can’t cut off the dandelion tops and not expect them to grow back.”  

For more information, check out Raising the Challenging Child by Karen Doyle Buckwalter, Debbie Reed, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine.  

And take a listen to our interview with Buckwalter on REBEL Parenting- Moms on the Mic.

A New Year Means New Things

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I love new years. I know some people say, “Well, everyday is a new day to start something.” But for me…it's a tangible time to reevaluate things. I love it. 

Two months ago, I received an invitation to a talk. A party to learn about essential oils. I have had multiple people encourage me to check out DoTerra Essential Oils knowing that I love me some natural remedies. Well, I went, thankfully with my sister in law. We sat through the talk and giggled about this and that. Frankly, I just enjoyed getting an afternoon with my sister-in-law learning about natural remedies. I had my guard up. I am TELLING YOU…I was OVER multi-level marketing companies. Here is my resume of stay at home businesses that have approached me over the last three years.

Juice Plus- (which I still use, and it holds the most third party confirmations and research in reputable medical magazines)
Amway- ummm….yea. No.
Pampered Chef- not my thing.
Party Lite- I don't even like candles. I have four little ones running around.
Scentsy- Loved the smell but then found out I don't want chemicals in my air.
Lifeway/Mila/Genesis Today- I love Mila as it makes poos really awesome and satisfying. ha.
Melaleuca- I love their cleaning products but was disappointed over the use of corn in many of their products, which Sawyer (one of the Twinlets) cannot tolerate around him.
Trivita- amazing supplements (referred by the dearest mentor) but can't afford them.
And now, DoTerra.

Maybe it was the “I am overwhelmed and not doing so great health-wise sign over my head.” Or maybe there is just a boom in at-home business. Or maybe there is a GRAND cry for health issues to be resolved like mine that are mysteries in the medical field. All of these companies have had many BIG promises of healing this or that. I have to say, I am almost always willing to try anything since most of my teenage years and college years I heard from most docs, “Well, Honey, we just can't figure it out.” I completely believe in the medical field for certain areas, but I also believe there is a whole world out there of solutions that we don't even bother looking at because they aren't endorsed by some bizillionare who gave a doctor a free trip to Cancun for the week.

So there I was a couple months ago, sitting listening to this sweet and beautiful woman talk on how this product, DoTerra, has changed her life. Her children's life. A list of my health issues was fully on my brain and no satisfactory healing has taken place in the past three years. I knew my experience with this or that product had been less than amazing. (And I also knew we just got slammed by the flu and then later after the party with a cold that has lasted all month in various people of my house and the stomach bug for two more of us after Christmas.) I kept thinking, “well what if this time is different?” Or…”I would love to try it but it seems so expensive!” Of course, my first thought was that I could just go try the oils from the health food store. So, that's what I did. I went and got two bottles of various blends. And started to diffuse them. I got a headache. ha. I thought this one was supposed to be uplifting and warm. But it kept giving me a headache instead. Maybe DoTerra's claim to be 100% all oils is true. I went through our bouts of sickness and on the very last day of the year, I ordered Doterra lemon oil. I received it three days ago. And let me tell you what I experienced: I opened it and instantly was so excited to smell it. It REALLY does smell like a lemon peel! I put a few drops in my water and wow. My life has changed. I love water. I have loved water. Anyone will tell you that I carry my water bottle around religiously like wearing underwear. It is apart of me. Two or three drops of this lemon oil just sent my experience of water love over the top. Now, I don't know if it has enhanced my mood as it claims but it sure has made me want to drink way more water! And it actually makes the sound of drinking coffee right away in the morning not so appetizing. Weird and shocking for me.

I wanted to journal through this experience. And to really get into whether this thing is legit or not. I have since ordered a few other oils: vetiver (a sleep aid for Ryker), OnGuard (a turbo blend of oils that are antiviral, antifungal, antibacterial to strengthen the immune system) and DigestZen (to aid in digestion for my celiac stuff and Sawyer's intolerance to corn since we get sideswiped by that a lot). I will let you know what I find out.