Jesus said, “You must love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself.” Sometimes we can forget the second half of this verse. Jesus grouped it into one of the most important commandments!
Loving ourselves entails digging into the deep places of our hearts and tending to all parts of us. This is done through self care.
In pondering this topic of self care, I became aware of the importance of RECEIVING. Receiving means we are accepting a gift. Self care offers us a chance to:
Receiving Rest when you are a go-getter.
Receiving Love in the calloused places of our hearts.
Receiving the Kindness of the Holy Spirit to soften our hardened souls.
Receiving Affirmation from your Creator when we are criticizing our bodies.
Receiving the Truth behind the lies we hold onto.
Receiving rest when we are tired.
Receiving care when we have used up all our resources to care for others.
Receiving Beauty where we have been lost in the to-do list.
So, my friend, how are you loving your self well in this wild and resilience building season? Listen to Wholistic Hearts Podcast today for some tangible ways to take care of your self.
Need help in Spiritual Breakthrough? I'd love to mentor you through the places where they seem shut down or closed off. Let's come together and design a coaching program for you to experience freedom and joy again. Find out more here.
Part of living holistically is learning to love your self well. One way to do that is through finding a mentor or a coach to speak into your life.
For me when I began working with a Holistic Lifestyle coach, I started to notice the areas in my life which I needed some serious boundaries. I grew up being a people pleaser. It is my default mode. “Don't rock the boat, Kristin.”
As my coach began to point out the areas where I actually was not practicing loving kindness towards myself. There were a lot of times in my life where I wanted to say no but I would say yes.
My own lack of boundaries and self care was leading to a sneaky underlying resentment and bitterness.
I began to feel sick to my stomach over commitments I made. I could feel the “no” response in my body yet I would say “yes” to this or that commitment.
Through coaching, I learned the word “no” was a gift.
Psalm 16:6 says “The boundary lines of the land have fallen for me in pleasant places…” Boundaries are actually a beautiful thing to grasp!
Through my Spiritual Breakthrough Coaching program, I can help you navigate healthy boundaries.
If you struggle with being over committed or a people pleaser, I'd love to come alongside and coach you!
Find out more about Spiritual Breakthrough Coaching, here.
I sure am tired of being resilient, being flexible. Life has been full of plot twists and shifts beyond the typical temporary foreseeable future. For most people 2020 has been a season of character development. We are rounding out the year with another round of our world making adjustments to the ever changing pressing need of protecting ourselves from a virus. I have a whole episode in me about the ways to actually take the offense on a healthy immune system vs a defensive position against this covid. But that will be for next time…
This week has been a doozy around here. For those of you who don’t know, I have been homeschooling one of my four kiddos, while the other three were in school via a hybrid system and a full time system. The three school attendees were sent home this week because of a positive covid case in their school and many others who have been exposed. I seriously doubt we have made it almost a year without exposure to someone who has corona. Navigating three students online, one homeschooled, and working on my podcast production business and continuing to build my own business has been tiring. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for each thing. All is a gift. We also have been grieving as a family because we have lost two grandparents within three weeks. There is grieving to be had around here, as well.
Yesterday as Joshua and I were walking our Banner Dog, I said, “I’m tired of being resilient. I’m tired of being flexible.” Do you ever feel that way? You just want to sit on the floor and just pout? I sure do. There are days when I feel on top of the world and there are days when I feel like I am standing in the middle of that quote “If you’re dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.” The fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, the lack of structure really freaks me out. So, I wanted to invite you into my process…when I feel like I just don’t have it in me to be flexible or resilient.
First, I take a quick moment and breathe. I picture my head laying on Father God’s chest and hearing his heart beat. Aligning my own beat to his. My anxious thoughts, my reeling head begins to slow. I focus on the present moment. This is all I have. This moment. How do I lean in and trust and surrender to this moment? I will tell you that in the midst of homeschooling- I’ve never learned this more quickly in my motherhood- be present. Be present. Be present. Use your five senses to help ground you into the moment. AKA mindfulness. And trust that He is in the moment. Even if you don’t feel Him. Then I make a list of the 1 or 2 things I could do the rest of the hour, day, evening that will help push the needle more towards my goals. Then, I thank God. I list out in my journal the things I am grateful He did. And then…I rest. And I give myself validation. It has been a lot. And that’s okay. He is building in me character and perseverance.
That’s a little snippet of my process…and you know how that process developed? Lots of practice! Lots of asking God what works for me. Lots of working through old patterns of thinking with a coach. Lots of digging into WHO I AM, Who He Has created me to be. The most important is the constant going back to Jesus and being real, asking for Him to reveal the Truth, and asking for help along the way.
Resilience is vital to life. My hats to you, Mama, Teachers, Parents who are all developing our character muscle this year. And let’s remember that Jesus has a big hug for those of us who have become weary of the unending flexibility this season has to offer. It’s like endless opportunities of practicing resilience. Jesus said, “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.” Matthew 11:28. We have more of an opportunity than ever to discover the Truth offered here. Do we KNOW this in the core of our being? He didn’t say we would be without trial but He did say, He is an oasis. So, how do you turn to Jesus in the moments of weariness? Do you picture talking to Him? Do you participate in a relational interaction? He is offering refreshment…will you take a drink? Will you accept the invitation to meet with Him? He is our oxygen. He is the reason and the explanation when people ask me all the time, “How do you do it all?”
If you don’t know how to do that, let me help you! I’d love to coach you in this process. Visit my coaching page and check it out.
Nine years ago, I was in so much physical torment. My feet felt like fire ants were stuck inside the bottom of my foot. My skin raw and blistering from the uncontrollable itching. Sleep was not an option with this intense rash on my feet which lasted for 5-7 days for years upon years. Questions played through my mind like a scroll that never ended. Why did it have to come every 21 days? Why could no one answer what was happening to my body? Why doesn't medicine help? I went to doctors desperate for answers and each one giving me the look like, “Hmm…I don't know what it is.” Referral after referral I got no where. I felt at the end of my rope over and over. Each month being hopeful that something would help- prayer, essential oils, supplements, medicine, etc.
But each month I felt like I was slapped in the face. After seven years of torment, I had a major epiphany. My husband sat next to me while I cried in frustration and said this pivotal annoying profound question, “Babe, what if it doesn't go away?” I felt like an instant pouting child. I so wanted it to heal. I wanted healing desperately. I wanted breakthrough. I hated how my body was acting. There was a legit anger at my body for creating this rash every month. But something within me started to shift as I pondered this question. I started saying, “Even if the rash comes back, my body is still a temple. God gives me strength to be okay. I can still be a mom who loves her kids well. I can still show up.”
In the ugly moments of insomnia and racing mind, I began to see Jesus in the midst. I do not believe He caused this situation but I do believe He has taught me more than I could have without the rash.
Fast forward a few years past the conversation with my hubby, and the rash still continues though it seems it is fading. I have worked with my functional lifestyle coach for many years to discover the beauty of my relationship with my body. I am learning to love the parts of my body which speak very loudly especially when it comes to the rash. I am learning to trust what it is saying instead of fight against it.
Our body is telling us a story, and it is our job to listen. Sooner or later if we ignore it long enough, it will yell instead of whisper. Our body is a tool to listen. God uses the most amazing ways to speak with us. Through this thought process, I have spent multiple hours praying and asking what the feet represent. He answers. In your body, what is it saying? What is the Lord saying through your heavenly temple? Develop a relationship with your body which is based on love and not hatred. As I emerge from years of this place of hatred to a place of love, I continue to find freedom from pain, self-judgement, and walk more into who He has created me to be.
Do you need help guiding you through these conversations? I'd love to come alongside and coach you through. Contact me here.
I have a child who has his own story to one day share. It is not mine to share, nor do we know the scope of his story yet. But I do have my own story to share- as a mom. I had four children in four years before the age of 30. There were health issues for the twins for the first couple years, a toddler who refused to sleep, my own mystery autoimmune health issues cropping up, and financial stress. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I look back on those young mama years with such compassion. I was so very exhausted and had this sweet child who decided it was time to sharpen my own soul’s wounds. Every temper tantrum felt like a direct assault on my very own capabilities. I had read most EVERY known parenting book out there. I should know how to handle all my children. Every sleepless night brought more and more emotions out of control to the surface. I felt like I could explode in anxiety at a moment's notice. It wasn’t this one little human who brought the anxiety on, but it was deep wounds within my own heart which began to surface.
As Karen Doyle Buckwalter shared our REBEL Parenting show, “If you don’t work on your issues, your kids will work them for you.” There are many times as a parent where I have left the highly heated situation and fell to the floor crying in desperation- when all along, it is there where Jesus comes and just groans with us and the Holy Spirit moves within us offering healing balm on our own pain. Parenting my four munchkins has brought me to my knees thousands of times and has allowed for me to grow in the ways which were no longer serving me. I began to seek counseling because I knew my anxiety and fear and anger were my own triggers in my history. I also began intense functional transformational coaching with a lovely woman who walked through my day to day to bring awareness to “old patterns.” We continue to do counseling to help us to understand how to validate the feelings of our children, ourselves, and others around us- because this is where the real wholehearted change happens. Parenting life still unfolds each day and teaches me hard things but I know there is progress. I am more self aware when I need a break to breathe and when I need to provide space for my kids to express their feelings and not pick them up as my own. As my mentor says, “Children are just a mirror reminding us of our story.” I know this is so true firsthand.
When you are triggered by your child’s behavior, I would ask what is the underlying trigger within you? What’s your own story you are telling yourself? It’s so much more than the behavior of the child. Invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate the places in your heart where you need your own healing and find a coach/counselor who can help navigate and work through what is needed. Again, the lovely Karen Doyle Buckwalter, explains beautifully on the show, “You can’t cut off the dandelion tops and not expect them to grow back.”
For more information, check out Raising the Challenging Child by Karen Doyle Buckwalter, Debbie Reed, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine.