When I picture Jesus viewing my heart, I want to pull his arm to the more beautiful engaging and colorful flowers of my garden. But in His sweet tenderness, He leads me back to this ignored and pushed away area.Continue reading
Nine years ago, I was in so much physical torment. My feet felt like fire ants were stuck inside the bottom of my foot. My skin raw and blistering from the uncontrollable itching. Sleep was not an option with this intense rash on my feet which lasted for 5-7 days for years upon years. Questions played through my mind like a scroll that never ended. Why did it have to come every 21 days? Why could no one answer what was happening to my body? Why doesn't medicine help? I went to doctors desperate for answers and each one giving me the look like, “Hmm…I don't know what it is.” Referral after referral I got no where. I felt at the end of my rope over and over. Each month being hopeful that something would help- prayer, essential oils, supplements, medicine, etc.
But each month I felt like I was slapped in the face. After seven years of torment, I had a major epiphany. My husband sat next to me while I cried in frustration and said this pivotal annoying profound question, “Babe, what if it doesn't go away?” I felt like an instant pouting child. I so wanted it to heal. I wanted healing desperately. I wanted breakthrough. I hated how my body was acting. There was a legit anger at my body for creating this rash every month. But something within me started to shift as I pondered this question. I started saying, “Even if the rash comes back, my body is still a temple. God gives me strength to be okay. I can still be a mom who loves her kids well. I can still show up.”
In the ugly moments of insomnia and racing mind, I began to see Jesus in the midst. I do not believe He caused this situation but I do believe He has taught me more than I could have without the rash.
Fast forward a few years past the conversation with my hubby, and the rash still continues though it seems it is fading. I have worked with my functional lifestyle coach for many years to discover the beauty of my relationship with my body. I am learning to love the parts of my body which speak very loudly especially when it comes to the rash. I am learning to trust what it is saying instead of fight against it.
Our body is telling us a story, and it is our job to listen. Sooner or later if we ignore it long enough, it will yell instead of whisper. Our body is a tool to listen. God uses the most amazing ways to speak with us. Through this thought process, I have spent multiple hours praying and asking what the feet represent. He answers. In your body, what is it saying? What is the Lord saying through your heavenly temple? Develop a relationship with your body which is based on love and not hatred. As I emerge from years of this place of hatred to a place of love, I continue to find freedom from pain, self-judgement, and walk more into who He has created me to be.
Do you need help guiding you through these conversations? I'd love to come alongside and coach you through. Contact me here.
Recommended Follow Up Books
- The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van der Kolk MD
- It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
- What Your Body Knows About God by Rob Moll
- Embracing the Body by Tara Owens
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I am currently sitting in my quiet home office listening to the rain/snow hit my window. It’s very still in my home, very peaceful. But there is an atmosphere of change occurring because of the threat of this COVID 19 virus. So many emotions enter where I feel a bit frozen in my fingertips to write, yet I don’t want to lose capturing this moment. We received word last night that our children will be home for the next two weeks or so, to help stop the spread of the virus. This includes sports activities, as well. As much as it is disappointing, I can’t help but feel a soft anticipation for the enveloping peace which will hover over our family. It is a gift to slow down, be present, and be grateful for what we have. This is an amazing opportunity to show love for our neighbors, to stand in what we believe offering hope and joy. There is beauty even in disruption. We have a God who is not shocked, nor thrown off His rocker by this. He is ever so kind. He works everything out for the good of those who love Him. I choose to embrace this moment to love well and intentionally. I pray for the ones who stand on the front lines- nurses, doctors, EMTs, firefighters, etc. a special protection over their bodies. I believe we will see a rise in the hearts of people around us. Communities will join forces. We will collectively see hope as we lay down our agendas. Sure, our home will be chaotic at times and loud and wrestling matches will burst out in the middle of the kitchen floor, but we will choose to see this as a time of coming together. I cannot wait to see how Goodness will chase us down.
Let my heart be tipped upward and not tempted by fear. Let my mind be renewed by hope and wisdom and understanding. Let my hands carry healing. Let my arms open wider to embrace my children, my husband and those around us. Let my words be Life and not bring death. Let my mouth utter gratitude and joy. Let my house be that of peace and a refuge. Let us be ever mindful of the needs of others.