The Body Speaks- Loving and Accepting Our Whole Selves

Nine years ago, I was in so much physical torment. My feet felt like fire ants were stuck inside the bottom of my foot. My skin raw and blistering from the uncontrollable itching. Sleep was not an option with this intense rash on my feet which lasted for 5-7 days for years upon years. Questions played through my mind like a scroll that never ended. Why did it have to come every 21 days? Why could no one answer what was happening to my body? Why doesn't medicine help? I went to doctors desperate for answers and each one giving me the look like, “Hmm…I don't know what it is.” Referral after referral I got no where. I felt at the end of my rope over and over. Each month being hopeful that something would help- prayer, essential oils, supplements, medicine, etc.

But each month I felt like I was slapped in the face. After seven years of torment, I had a major epiphany. My husband sat next to me while I cried in frustration and said this pivotal annoying profound question, “Babe, what if it doesn't go away?” I felt like an instant pouting child. I so wanted it to heal. I wanted healing desperately. I wanted breakthrough. I hated how my body was acting. There was a legit anger at my body for creating this rash every month. But something within me started to shift as I pondered this question. I started saying, “Even if the rash comes back, my body is still a temple. God gives me strength to be okay. I can still be a mom who loves her kids well. I can still show up.”

In the ugly moments of insomnia and racing mind, I began to see Jesus in the midst. I do not believe He caused this situation but I do believe He has taught me more than I could have without the rash.

Fast forward a few years past the conversation with my hubby, and the rash still continues though it seems it is fading. I have worked with my functional lifestyle coach for many years to discover the beauty of my relationship with my body. I am learning to love the parts of my body which speak very loudly especially when it comes to the rash. I am learning to trust what it is saying instead of fight against it.

Our body is telling us a story, and it is our job to listen. Sooner or later if we ignore it long enough, it will yell instead of whisper. Our body is a tool to listen. God uses the most amazing ways to speak with us. Through this thought process, I have spent multiple hours praying and asking what the feet represent. He answers. In your body, what is it saying? What is the Lord saying through your heavenly temple? Develop a relationship with your body which is based on love and not hatred. As I emerge from years of this place of hatred to a place of love, I continue to find freedom from pain, self-judgement, and walk more into who He has created me to be.

Do you need help guiding you through these conversations? I'd love to come alongside and coach you through. Contact me here.

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Parenting Mirrors aka Children

I have a child who has his own story to one day share.  It is not mine to share, nor do we know the scope of his story yet.  But I do have my own story to share- as a mom. I had four children in four years before the age of 30. There were health issues for the twins for the first couple years, a toddler who refused to sleep, my own mystery autoimmune health issues cropping up, and financial stress.  To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I look back on those young mama years with such compassion. I was so very exhausted and had this sweet child who decided it was time to sharpen my own soul’s wounds. Every temper tantrum felt like a direct assault on my very own capabilities.  I had read most EVERY known parenting book out there. I should know how to handle all my children. Every sleepless night brought more and more emotions out of control to the surface. I felt like I could explode in anxiety at a moment's notice. It wasn’t this one little human who brought the anxiety on, but it was deep wounds within my own heart which began to surface.  

As Karen Doyle Buckwalter shared our REBEL Parenting show, “If you don’t work on your issues, your kids will work them for you.” There are many times as a parent where I have left the highly heated situation and fell to the floor crying in desperation- when all along, it is there where Jesus comes and just groans with us and the Holy Spirit moves within us offering healing balm on our own pain.  Parenting my four munchkins has brought me to my knees thousands of times and has allowed for me to grow in the ways which were no longer serving me. I began to seek counseling because I knew my anxiety and fear and anger were my own triggers in my history. I also began intense functional transformational coaching with a lovely woman who walked through my day to day to bring awareness to “old patterns.”  We continue to do counseling to help us to understand how to validate the feelings of our children, ourselves, and others around us- because this is where the real wholehearted change happens. Parenting life still unfolds each day and teaches me hard things but I know there is progress. I am more self aware when I need a break to breathe and when I need to provide space for my kids to express their feelings and not pick them up as my own.  As my mentor says, “Children are just a mirror reminding us of our story.” I know this is so true firsthand.  

When you are triggered by your child’s behavior, I would ask what is the underlying trigger within you? What’s your own story you are telling yourself?   It’s so much more than the behavior of the child. Invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate the places in your heart where you need your own healing and find a coach/counselor who can help navigate and work through what is needed.  Again, the lovely Karen Doyle Buckwalter, explains beautifully on the show, “You can’t cut off the dandelion tops and not expect them to grow back.”  

For more information, check out Raising the Challenging Child by Karen Doyle Buckwalter, Debbie Reed, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine.  

And take a listen to our interview with Buckwalter on REBEL Parenting- Moms on the Mic.

Whew! I can EAT!

I made it! Made it through the two weeks of starvation…ha, not really. But it was a bit of torture. I think I have a lot of patience. And I have been pretty laid back with my food restrictions so far in life until these last two weeks. I knew it was for the better, but it stretched me mentally. I think the going into hypoglycemic shock did me in. Not to mention the added stress of life's hard balls thrown in the mix. However, I made it. And an added bonus, I figured out a new favorite meal…chicken curry! Oh. My. On top of that, I have a new favorite salad (my old fav was made with thousand island)…olive oil with salt and pepper and lots of veggie goodness. This is a favorite lunch time meal now. I used to be a sandwich girl. And my all time new favorite veggie- SQUASH! Oh dang it is so good sauteed up in the skillet with a little olive oil. So all in all, I pray my tummy has healed in the process. I am weirdly excited to get my final blood draw to see what my chemistry looks like after six months of supplements, dietary fixes, and a whole shift in thinking has done for my body. And now…I am thankful that I am finished with my diet, and I am going to drink some black tea with agave and have some peanut butter with a banana (all of which was FORBIDDEN). Then I am going to eat a seriously yummy Thanksgiving meal in a few days and relish every flavor.